Raising Mommy

Never thought I would be "raising" my own mommy. Here I am 27 years old and that is exactly what I feel like I am doing. For those of you who do not know, my mom moved in with us this past week. She got laid off a year ago from her secretary job at an auto plant in Michigan. Since then she has applied for social security disability and has been denied. Apparently that is the way it goes the first time you apply. So, now she is in the process of fighting that decision. That could take two years!!!!
My mom just turned 60 on Monday but due to all of her medical issues she seems a lot older than that. She hunches over when she walks because her feet are so bad it hurts to walk on them. This then makes her back hurt. She cannot lift things because of all the surgeries she has had on her stomach. She needs hearing aids for both ears.....which she has failed to get because they are too expensive. And she just does not take care of herself in general !!! She does not eat well. She does not drink water. She smokes and drinks coffee all the time.
So here is where the raising mommy part comes in. The roles are reversed in so many ways. I have to remind her to sit down and eat breakfast. I have had to make phone calls to see if there are programs available for people who cannot afford hearing aids......and there are programs out there!!! She just does not think to make phone calls and ask questions about those things.
There are just lots of things I am overwhelmed by right now. How do you help someone when they do not want to help themselves? I know that all I can do is encourage her in positive ways but it is SO frustrating to watch her do things that are harmful to her body!!! And then to hear her go on and on about how she is SO tired and she cannot understand why she just cannot get it together. Granted she has been through a lot but a lot of her issues come from her lack of care for herself.
I have the desire to serve her and help her in whatever ways I can. I really do. The reality of it is, even if she gets the disability it probably will not cover rent, medical bills, groceries, and utilities and stuff. So.......she may be with us forever. We will need to do something about our housing situation if that is the case. She needs her own space. At LEAST her own bedroom, if not was family room and bathroom of her own too. So that has been on my mind A LOT!!! We would have to sell our house.....in this market.....and then find a bigger house for a cheap price!!!! YIKES!!!! But I know that God is bigger than all of this stuff. I just pray that He makes it clear what direction we might need to go in and when. I think my mom and I will both go crazy if we have to live exactly the way we are now for for years and years, ya know?
To conclude, I would ask for prayers for the condition of my heart. That I would be thankful that my mom is here and that we can help her. Pray that God would help me in the times when I get so annoyed and frustrated. There is sin in my heart at those times for sure. There are some things that I just need to let go.
I once again covet your prayers!!!
Oh yeah and do not forget that we have a new baby due in March.
That means, husband and wife, 3 kids, grandma, and 4 cats in a 1,300 sq foot home!!!! WOW!!!

Sheesh....

What a loser, I have not posted since the end of Sept.!!!!!!! What the heck is wrong with me? As if I do not have anything to day!!!! I can always come up with words to type!!! Actually that has been my problem. I have had SO much going on in my mind that I have not been able to narrow things down enough to post. So, I guess I will just give a general update on me and my current state. I am tired.....duh!!! He he he ;-) Yeah with two little ones, one cookin, and finding out my thyroid levels are off of course I am tired!!! I have to be honest I have been kind of up and down the last few weeks. I have been short with the kiddos (Stinker mostly) and just overwhelmed with stuff in general. So, what is the big conclusion I have come to with that? I HAVE NOT BEEN SEEKING THE LORD!!!!! I think about God but I have not been making any time for Him. Ugh...and then I expect my husband to make time for me......but I cannot make time for my Creator? Sheesh.....the nerve of some people ;-) He he he ;-) I know there is grace waiting for me. I just need to approach the throne and ask for it. So, as soon as I get done typing this I am gonna go sit and spend some time with my Maker!!!! The kids are already in bed and Jay is catching a few hours of sleep before work. So it is the perfect time to do it!!!!

I have to say I am looking forward to tomorrow!! My dear friend Cathy is coming to watch the munchkins for a good chunk of time and after this week, I think Jay and I really need it.

I will try to post again before the end of next week :-) Oh and I had a blast at the New Kids concert last night if anyone is wondering ;-)

Peace out !!! (as the Block would have said back in the late 80s early 90s)

GOT A MINIVAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!

At this point in our lives it would be very unwise to go into any more debt and take on a car payment. So, I prayed God would provide a bigger vehicle....since we were driving a 2002 toyota corolla...matchbox on wheels....and we have baby number 3 on the way. I had been looking on craigslist but of course any late 90s toyota or honda minivan (which is what we really wanted) was way too expensive and had lots of miles on it. I looked again tuesday night just for the heck of it and found a 2000 Toyota Sienna with 85K miles on it. They were asking $5,900 for it. I prayed and then I e-mailed them, told them our situation, and asked if they would be willing to sell it to us for $4,000 (yeah right) IF we could sell the corolla for that much (yeah right, again...it had rust on the hood, a big dent in the bumper, etc.). They said they would love to help us out but they were gonna check with carmax to see how much they could get for it. They said if carmax offered $4,800 or less then it would be ours for the 4k. So, Wed. morning we put the corolla up on craigslist to see what we could get. We had two guys come out and offer $3,000 for it. We were like, ok, we could maybe come up with another grand but not really a good idea. Our friend encouraged us to wait on God and be confident that if this was the van He had for us then ALL of the details would fall into place. We had one other guy...total surfer college dude....and his dad come look at it Wed night. They said they would offer $3,750 to keep the competition away. They also said that if the other people made a counter offer then he would too ;) So, I considered the car as sold. Then they called back later that night and said that they would just offer $4,000 cash straight up!!!! Then some lady called and offered $4,200!!! What? That is crazy!!! God does provide.We decided to go with surfer dude though. Then we had to wait until noon Thurs. to find out if we would get the van or not. I got an e-mail from the lady and guess how much carmax offered them? $4,000!!!! SO THE VAN IS OURS!!!!!!!!!! I am still in shock!!! We picked it up Thurs. night. So WOO HOO!!!! God is SO SO SO SO gracious!!!! I knew he would provide a minivan (or at least a bigger vehicle) but never in my dreams would I have imagined that he would give me a toyota Sienna, the exact van I have always wanted!!! Praise Him!!!!! Here is a pic of our newest family member ;-) Isn't she pretty?

My prayer for today

When I feel heavy, may I think of the weight of the cross on Your back as you walked to your death
When I think people do not like me, may I remember the hatred that You the Son of God endured
When I doubt that You could possibly love me, may I remember what You said to the criminal hanging on a cross next to you
When I feel despair and rejected and alone, may I think of how You must have felt when Your Father turned His face away from You!!!!!

Oh Lord, these things are the things I pray for today. I want to reflect on Your sacrifice for me and to remember that all that comes into my life is for a reason. Nothing that I encounter is a mistake nor could it compare to the hardships that You endured!!!!

Being a mom of a preschooler, and a 5 month old while at the same time growing a new little life in my tummy, I get SO tempted to seek my own comfort and rest. But the season of life that I am in right now is one that requires me to have patience with my little ones so that I can build into them the things of the Lord. So I covet your prayers today dear friends that I would run hard the race marked out for me and that I would serve my family (husband included) with joy!!!! As well as serving my Lord with joy!!!!!!

My love for the Lord needs to be put first. When that happens I know that how I perceive each situation in my life will look much different. Not that they will be easier but I will see them through the lens of the Gospel and oh how great that will be!!!! How rich and sweet will each trial prove to be when I am focused in the right.........PERSON!!!!!

Praise God for His patience with me ;-)

The Lord knows our heart

Ok, so in my reading today I came across this verse:

"The Lord will bring to light the things now hidden in darkness and will disclose the purposes of the heart. Then each one will receive his commendation from God." 1 Corinthians 4:5

AAAAHHHHH!!!!!!! If God were to give me my "commendation" (note the word is not condemnation) today I would be afraid I would not receive anything!!!! You know how you just have some days where your heart is just ugly? That has been me today!!! I have been yelling at Stinker left and right!!!! He has a cold so he is not feeling well but sheesh, that boy does not want to listen to me at all the last few days!!!! I ask him to do something and he does 500 other things before doing what I ask him to do!!!!

I know that he is three and all but how do I deal with this? At what point do I assert discipline? How do I know what things are important enough for that? I just get so frustrated repeating myself a zillion times, ya know? Any advice would be wonderful by the way ;-) He he he ;-)

So, as I had my quiet time today I just asked God to be renewing my heart. That I would have a heart of love and compassion towards my family. That I would seek to carry out careful, calm, and gentle discipline. Ultimately I want to honor God in my mothering (and my wifing!!!). I just get so wrapped up in myself and wanting Stinker to obey me that I forget that I am supposed to be cultivating an atmosphere in which he learns what it looks like to love and honor the Lord above all else. As he learns that I pray it would become his desire to please the Lord. And as a three year old really the only thing God asks of him in order to please God is to obey his mommy and daddy. I think that idea gets twisted in my head and then I try to force it on him. I want to view that command rightly!!!!

Lord, please assist me in this role in my life. I want my heart to be one of grace, mercy, compassion, gentleness, kindness, love, selflessness, and wisdom. I pray that when you do look into my heart you are pleased by what you see!!! Help me dear Jesus!
Amen

Blast from the past

Here is a video of my best friend and I singing a song we wrote together our senior year of college.
ENJOY!!

Time for some funnies......

Ok so everything I have to say is not always serious and contemplative. In fact, a lot of what fills my day is quite the opposite ;-) So, I thought I would share some funny things my 3 yr old son has said as of late.....
"Mom, you're a dude." No clue, he just told me that one day ;-)
"If you discipline me on my bottom I will take you to your doctor and he will snip your ears off!!!" What the what? Where in the world did he get that from?
Driving down the road in Chicago looking for a gas station because we are on E, I tell Brendan that we should pray and ask God to get us to one quickly. So, we pray. A few minutes later a cute voice from the back seat says "Did He say yes?" Priceless ;-)

And here is a VERY cute pic of our kiddos for your viewing pleasure ;-)

Through the Precious Blood

This week has been full of ups, downs, twists, turns, and anything else you could possibly think of!!!! We babysat a neighbor girl Tuesday. Then Tuesday night I had to help set up for our MOPS meeting. Wed. was our first MOPS meeting as well as Brendan's first night of AWANA. Thursday was his first day of 3yr old preschool!!!!!! Too cute!!!!! The kids just played for an hour to get used to the room and everything. So it really did not seem like a big deal. Then Friday morning he had Tae Kwon Do.

But the biggest thing that took place this week was on Thursday evening. Jason and I attended a celebration service for a little 2 month old baby boy named Renner who passed away on Sunday August 31st. Of course this is a very heart wrenching thing. However, watching his parents Thursday night you could see God using Renner's passing for good things and to bring Glory to Himself. God does not work in our ways (as Pastor Mike put it that evening). God does what is going to bring Him the most Glory. He works in all things for our good and His Glory, that is just how it is. We may not be able to see how He something works for our good, especially something like the death of your child, but He is.

Renner's mom and dad have been pointing back to the cross throughout all of this. They are clinging to Christ. They are speaking God's truth to themselves and to others as their story continues to unfold. I am AMAZED (to say the least) by the strength God has given them. Here is their website if you would like to read their story http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/babyrenner . I know that Donnie was planning on taking some time off of work without pay but I am not sure for how long. I know they are trusting God to provide financially for their family. Please let me know if you would be interested in helping their family out in anyway during this time of grieving.

All I have in my mind is a picture of Ruth (Renner's mom) on Thursday night singing praises to her God!!!!! It was truly awesome!!!! There is a song that they requested the worship team to sing and Ruth had her arms outstreached singing the song with all her might. Watching her was so encouraging and humbling at the same time. It made me wonder if I would look like her during a time of loss. I pray that God would help me to resemble the faith that Renner's mom and dad have shown!!!! Once again I am posting the lyrics to a song. I am a music girl so when I hear something that speaks to me, I want to share it !!!! This is the song the worship team played as Ruth cried out to the Lord!!!!

Lyrics - Through the Precious Blood

You have ordained every breath we take
In pleasure or pain, there is no mistake
Gladness and grief, both are in Your hand
And sufferings brief carry out Your plan
And our fleeting sorrows
Will yield an endless prize
When some bright tomorrow
We’ll see You with our eyes, and

Grace upon grace flows down, flows down
Grace upon grace flows down, flows down
Through the precious blood of Christ

Father of lights, Giver of all grace
Your mercies crown our lives all our days
River of Life, quench our thirsty souls
For no true delight does Your love withhold
And in every season
We are satisfied
For just one reason
Christ was crucified, and

Grace upon grace flows down, flows down
Grace upon grace flows down, flows down
Through the precious blood of Christ

All good gifts, every good thing
Comes to us freely, so freely
All good gifts, every good thing
Comes to us freely, so freely
Through the precious blood
Through the precious blood

Grace upon grace flows down, flows down
Grace upon grace flows down, flows down
Through the precious blood of Christ

The Lord Will Provide

OOOOooooo......look at me......posting two times in one day!!! He he he ;-) I just wanted to share the lyrics to an old him with new music by Matthew Smith, that has really touched my heart as of late. I just reminds me that no matter what happens in life, God IS in control and He WILL provide according to His great and perfect will !!!! Satan lies to us and so often we are quick to believe him. So, let us reflect on the words of this song and may it spur us on to meditate on the truth of our Great God and Savior!!!!

Though troubles assail,
And dangers affright;
Though friends should all fail,
And foes all unite,
Yet one thing secures us,
Whatever betide:
The Scripture assures us,
"The Lord will provide."

The birds, without barn
Or storehouse, are fed;
From them let us learn
To trust for our bread;
His saints what is fitting
Shall ne'er be denied,
So long as 'tis written,
"The Lord will provide."

His call we obey,
Like Abram of old,
Not knowing our way,
But faith makes us bold;
For though we are strangers,
We have a good Guide;
And trust in all dangers:
"The Lord will provide."

When Satan appears
To stop up our path,
And fills us with fears,
We triumph by faith;
He cannot take from us,
Though oft he has tried,
The heart-cheering promise,
"The Lord will provide."

He tells us we're weak,
Our hope is in vain;
The good that we seek
We ne'er shall obtain;
But when such suggestions
Our faith thus have tried,
This answers all questions,
"The Lord will provide."

No strength of our own,
Nor goodness we claim;
Our trust is all thrown
On Jesus' dear name.
In this our strong tower
For safety we hide;
The Lord is our power,
"The Lord will provide."

When life sinks apace,
And death is in view,
The word of His grace
Shall comfort us through;
Not fearing or doubting,
With Christ on our side,
We hope to die shouting,
"The Lord will provide."

2 months later....

Ok, so here I am two months after I started this blog and I am finally putting up my second post!!! I have come to the conclusion that I do not need to have extra awesome posts in order for my blog to be meaningful to myself or to my readers. I am just going to write about where I am at today and what the Lord is teaching me.

I have become increasingly aware of the fact that I seem to be bent on being bitter towards my husband. I HATE that he works midnights. That much is true. But to make him feel bad about it and to remind him of how it is affecting our family (uh.......me, to be honest) is not going to help him!!! I am supposed to be his help mate. I am supposed to come along side him in every circumstance that God gives us. I have, in fact been doing the opposite.

I met with one of my friends last week to talk about all of this because she too has had to deal with her husband working odd shifts. One of the common factors with our situations is that we both are tempted to idolize our husbands. We desire them more than we desire God. She graciously pointed out to me that Jason will never be enough. I will never get enough time with him. I will never feel loved quite enough. The list goes on and on. The point is God has made it that way on purpose!!! No, Jason will not ever be enough for me because only GOD is enough. This is true for all of us. It does not make a difference if it is a man, a job, money, talent, or whatever else that we chase after....if it is not the Lord that we seek to fulfill us then we will always be left half full.

This may sound like a sad truth but in reality it is the best truth!!!!! I should rejoice in the fact that my God wants to be and ultimately IS everything I need!!!! The things of this world will pass away but my Lord and my God will be the same forever!!!!!!!!! Ah.......*sigh* that is some sweet, comforting truth right there!!!!!

If I can actually put this truth into belief in my heart and actively apply it......WOW.....my husband will be let off the hook much more in the future!!!!! Not that he does not have certain responsibilities but he does not have to be my everything!!!!! So, now he will feel the pressure lifted off of him as well and we will be much more free to enjoy our marriage the way God intends us to!!!!!

Dear friends, if you would please pray for me, that I would run fast and hard into the arms of my Lord and Savior. Also, that God would be restoring our marriage to the state that He wants it to be in!!!!! It is my prayer that the Lord will do the same for each of you!!!! Whatever it is that you may be putting before your God at this very moment, I pray that this post has encouraged you to turn to the only One who can truly satisfy!!!!!

Much love and many prayers,
Bridgette Anne

Jumping in....

I have tried many times to start this blog. I sit down at my computer and try to think of clever ways in which to begin telling my tale. Unfortunately, my mind goes in so many directions at the same time that I could not write one word, let alone a whole post!!! So tonight my husband asks me if I am going to finally start my blog. Yes. Yes, I am. Low and behold......here I am doing just that ;-) My intention with this blog is to be the real me. To be transparent and honest with what I am going through in my every day life. First and foremost, I must tell you that I am a Christian. I believe in Jesus Christ. I believe that He is the Son of the One true God. I believe that He came to earth, lived and perfect life and then died on the cross, taking the punishment for my sin upon Him so that I could be forgiven. With that forgiveness I will be able to spend eternity with my Creator. What a great God I serve!!! I deserve hell but instead I get to be with Him forever!!!!

This blog is my way of sharing with others the journey I am on as a woman, wife, mother, daughter, friend, and follower of Christ. I recognize that although I claim to love the Lord, I struggle with taking Him at His Word. I have a hard time claiming the promises He has for me. When I am having a hard time one of my friends asks me what am I believing about God that is not true and what am I not believing about God that is true. Those are VERY hard questions to answer. The title Be Gone Unbelief sums up the purpose of this blog. It is my desire to have confidence in the Word of God in EVERY situation in my life!!!! So let the journey begin.............